Firewall Extinguisher
by beastlycharizard13
Summary: After The Danes use Troll Trace to hack Fort Collins, Colorado, Gerald begins to panic about finally being exposed, while Cartman tries to see what exactly he's said on the Internet before he got with Heidi. Set after the episode "Fort Collins", so watch the episode first if you don't want spoilers! Not part of RFSP.


Firewall Extinguisher

 **A/N: Everyone, I need to apologize for something.**

 **Try as I might have, I just couldn't think of a story to write for last week's episode, "A Douche And A Danish" It was going to be called "Phishing Season", but sadly a cool-sounding name is really all I could think of. Thankfully though, I feel like I can get a MUCH better story out of "Fort Collins" then I could have with "A Douche And A Danish"**

 **Aside from that, episode 2005 got things rolling again, in a way. I felt like Heidman was getting a little mushy-gushy for my tastes, but seeing Annie faint and Bebe throwing up over it made me forget it I guess :D**

" **Fort Collins" REALLY got things rolling though, more so then 2005 did. The member berries are nearly indestructible? But I KNOW that someone in the member berry addict group squashed one in his pocket in "Wieners Out!" And now the berries are trying to kill one of their own kind? What's up with Caitlyn Jenner? Is she up to something? Is Hilary Clinton going to team up with Gerald? For what purpose?**

 **Speaking of which, Trey and Matt, I get you guys love Star Wars, but is that REALLY the only thing you're letting the member berries say? (I've seen the original three, but that was a LONG time ago. Ergo, I guess I'm not a "fan" but I'm sure I'd enjoy all seven of them if I watched them)**

 **Also, I found Cartman's fantasies of Mars rather…pointless, if you ask me.**

 **And hey, if you want to REALLY talk about "membering" the old ways, all you need to do is look at the amount of people that are straight-up bitching about Code Lyoko: Evolution, Teen Titans Go, and *ahem* PAPER MARIO! (I like Sticker Star, damn it! And I'm enjoying Color Splash! Teen Titans Go is very enjoyable in its own right, but it's certainly nothing like the original show)**

 **I'll shut up now :)**

 **As everyone expected, I just received the prestigious award for not owning South Park at all, presented to me by the guy that said "This ain't part of RFSP." (Am I getting too carried away with these disclaimers?) :)**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

"SSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTT!"

This was, essentially speaking, the thought that had slipped its way into the minds of many, many people. You see, when about five different things happen on their own that will likely all come together in the grand scheme of things, it's only natural that you take the appropriate cuss word and make the single syllable that it is drag out as long as possible, be it in one's mind or spoken verbally.

At the moment, Gerald Broflovski was once again sitting in front of his home computer, albeit reading a recently published news story instead of partaking in his daily trolling routine.

"…When Colorado Springs suddenly became the next town to have been victimized by the Danish operated website , which had just recently launched four days prior."

Gerald scanned through the rest of the article, and while he was somewhat relieved to find that none of the other trolls he had met had been affected by the Colorado Springs incident, he still frantically attempted to call Dildo Schwaggins, efforts that would always prove unsuccessful, however.

Being as anxious and freaked out as he was, Gerald took a rather large sip out of his wine bottle. Normally, he only had a small glass with him, but he had so much angst welling up inside, he felt compelled to drink much more. As he continued to drink, he thought he heard a tiny voice whisper something to him.

Gerald raised his head up and looked nervously around the room, trying to figure out the source of the voice.

"Down…here…." The voice beckoned him.

Gerald lowered his ear to the edge of the wine bottle, and sure enough, the voice was coming from the wine itself.

"Don't you member when anonymity actually meant something?" the voice said in a childish tone.

"Yeah…yes I do!" Gerald answered.

"Ooh member how you could be the bully and nobody could really stop you? Ooh, I member that!"

"Yeah but…who is this? Who's talking to me?" Gerald asked just to make sure the past few days hadn't driven him insane to the point where he was talking to alcohol.

"Uh…Ooh don't you member Denmark? Member Obama? Member Bush?"

"Of course I 'member' Obama, he's still in office!"

"Ooh oh ooh oh, member Wachovia? Member the Sega Genesis? Do you member Myspace?"

"Ooh I love Myspace, member?"

"Member when the drinking age was 18?"

"Member when party nominees weren't slowly destroying the country in the process?"

"Member-."

"SHUT UP!"

Gerald finally lashed out and snapped, causing him to involuntarily throw the bottle of wine at the wall, where it unceremoniously shattered into several hundred tiny pieces of glass that were flung throughout the room.

Gerald just stood there, panting heavily, instantly regretting the mess he had made…both from the glass and wine stains, and from his Internet activity.

"Oh…God. Oh God, oh Abraham, oh sweet Moses, what the hell have I done!" Gerald began to moan loudly as he slunk down to the floor.

Gerald slowly left the room, making a mental note to himself to clean up the glass later on. As he left the room however, he failed to notice the label from the wine bottle that read "Member Berry Merlot, 2014"

* * *

Ike Broflovski was sitting in his room, playing Minecraft on his computer, when his father suddenly knocked on the door in a panic.

"Ike! I need to talk to you!"

And so, once again, Ike paused the game and went over to join his father on the bed.

"Remember that uh…loser troll I was telling you about?"

The adopted Canadian toddler said nothing, as was typical for him.

"You know…SkankHunt42?"

Still nothing.

"Well…I think a fellow troll of his was attacked by one of that other troll's victims…I think he was burned alive or something! He lived over in Fort Collins I think…and…and…." Gerald was left speechless. He couldn't find the right words to phrase what he wanted to say without revealing himself.

"Uh…n-never mind. Forget I said anything just now."

Gerald left the room. Ike shrugged, not really understanding what the point of that conversation was, and went back to his game.

* * *

"Oh no…no…no…NOOO!"

Cartman had begun to panic fearing his relationship with Heidi Turner was at a serious stake. Using Kyle's tablet (since his own stuff had been destroyed a few weeks prior) he had gone through and located as many Internet posts he could find. Tweets, message board, YouTube, you name it…he was determined to find as much as he could.

" _Heidi's going to find me out, I can feel it!"_ a distraught Cartman thought to himself. _"I've said so many bad things about girls in the past…I've called them stupid and said they weren't funny…I HATE the new Ghostbusters movie! I pinned the blame on Jimmy, but she's probably going to find out sooner or later!"_

"Now do you see why the Denmark can't get away with this?" Kyle asked, as he happened to be leaning over Cartman's shoulder.

"Can it you rotten Jew! I don't need your asinine antics right now!"

Kyle was fazed for a split second, not knowing that the word "asinine" was in Cartman's vocabulary.

" _Well, I guess Heidi might be a good influence on him after all."_ Kyle thought to himself.

"Don't forget that I'm not the only one affected by this shit!" Cartman retorted. "I'm sure that your Jew brain has convinced you to post things YOU wouldn't want others seeing! This is basically going to be Eavesdropper all over again!"

"I'm sure I have, but it's probably not as much as what you'd want to keep secret."

"Kyle, she's going to know that I've said girls are stupid and unfunny!"

"Does that even matter?"

Cartman paused.

"You know Cartman, I never understood why you even got so obsessed with that in the first place. I get you were trying to disavow the accusations of you being SkankHunt42, but you know…I can't help but feel there was something else going on the whole time."

"Well MAYBE there was then Kyle, but there certainly isn't one now."

Kyle raised an eyebrow. "Is that so?"

"Yes it is, so shut up."

Cartman turned back around and resumed browsing his Internet history.

"Besides, I'm sure that there has to be at least ONE thing that Heidi wouldn't want ME knowing about. And I'm sure that your secrets aren't exactly safe from Stan now…are they?"

"What could I have ever written on the Internet to upset Stan?"

"Don't think I don't know about any of those 'secret' e-mails you've sent to Kenny, just because you were butthurt a few times Stan hung out with Wendy instead of you."

Kyle, although initially shocked, instantly realized how something like that couldn't work against him at the moment.

"So? It doesn't matter now fat ass, they're apart at the moment…as is everyone else. But even so, how do you know about that?"

"Easy. Kenny's family is so poor, they can't afford a phone that has password functionality."

* * *

 **A/N: I honestly wonder if I'm really getting uninspired, or if I'm getting bored of writing these every time. In my opinion, the author is the biggest critic of their own work, but even so, since I feel like Season 20 is OK, but not phenomenal like Season 19, that might be why I feel uninspired.**

 **Nonetheless, there's no doubt in my mind now that Cartman and Heidi are breaking up at some point. My other main theories that I'm sticking by are that Freja Ollegard is still alive, the leader of has much more to his plan than we know AND that he was a victim of trolling, Caitlyn Jenner is going to betray Mr. Garrison in some way, and that J. J. Abrams will probably tie into all of this somehow.**

 **I'm sure lots of us think Stan and Wendy will get back together, and while that's what I do want to happen, I also wouldn't mind seeing them apart again for a little longer, just to see if it's any different from the first time from Seasons 8-11.**

 **As for those member berries, there probably is no physical way to kill them. Their weakness is probably people accepting "the new ways" or whatever you want to call it. I bet at the end, Randy will change his mind about Star Wars VII, and 80% of the berries will blow up or something, I don't know. :D**

 **The next episode is surely the election episode, so I really hope I can come up with an awesome story for that!**

 **See y'all whenever! :)**


End file.
